The Dreamer Within
The other night I dreamed of death.
Before sleep I had heard the daily COVID figures which were super high. I had spoken with a friend who had recently suffered a loss. It seemed death was front and centre in my mind. Yet in my dreams I was the one who was dying. I dreamt that I had a terminal illness and in my final days I had drafted myself a letter.
Morbid right?
Well, it is if you see death as the end. Death is so beautifully described by one of my sheros Clarissa Pinkola Estés in her book Women Who Run With Wolves. She describes Life/Death/Life to be a series of phases, the death of one phase brings about the birth of a new. ''To love means to embrace and at the same time to withstand many endings, and many many beginnings - all in the same relationship.”
We are all continuously going through evolutions and not just in the natural world. Relationships fizzle and new ones are born. You leave a job and start another. You close a door to never open it again.
By constantly learning and growing, you are always evolving. You learn new things which replace old beliefs. The longer you live in your body and with your psyche the more in tune you become to it's needs and desires, which are not the same things that fed your soul a few years ago.
The more we tune in to the life/death/life cycle of the natural world, the more we can see it in our own lives. Each night follows day, each summer turns to autumn. The leaves which were once beautiful shades of green filling the branches to breaking point slowly turned to amber and began falling away. A few short weeks later, they disappear.
In my dream what struck me most was the supportive network of dear friends I have who were all around me. My friends are from all walks of life and from all corners of the world. The bond of love and connection I felt from them in my dream was as strong as if they were in the same room as me.
I woke with two things.
1 - an immense sense of gratitude for being on this planet at this moment in time sharing this ride with such wonderful humans. That in itself is one of the greatest miracles of my life. That all these stars aligned and somewhere, somehow, I got to meet these people. WOWEE. A final wish of mine was for my nearest and dearest to take vile's of my ashes with them and sprinkle them whenever they felt my presence. Be it on adventures or rainy Tuesday mornings.
2 - a letter. During my final days I had written a letter of advice. It was a mix of what I wished I could share with the world and what I knew to be true.
For once, strangely, I woke and remembered my dream almost word for word. That never happens. I can sometimes remember flicker of dreams but this one was clear as day. It was like my subconscious was sending me the message and I was going to receive it. It didn't matter if I was sleeping or awake, this message needed to be heard.
I transcribed the letter the second I woke.
Never stop loving. Love with all your heart. You will get hurt, but thats okay because a closed heart never benefited a delicate soul.
Go on adventures. And not just the big ones, I hope you find adventure in every day. Amazement and wonder are all around, you just have to open your eyes.
Be kind. No, kinder than that. Every single soul on this world no matter who they are is trying to do the best with what they have. Their life is not your business. What is your business is your compassion and love. Lead with that. I hope you never stop realising we are all just delicate 5 year olds on the inside.
Laugh. Never. Stop. Laughing. If nobody makes you laugh, remove yourself from their company immediately and find a cat or a dog.
Live more with less. Less noise, less stuff, less objects, less possessions, less distractions. More people, more chats, more space, more silence. It's such a good trade off!
NEVER STOP PETTING THE ANIMALS. I hope each day your dream dog passes your pathway.
Small stuff = big stuff. The big stuff shows you how small the small stuff is ... but they're both just stuff. How you react to big and small will determine how big and small they grow. Don't focus on what you cannot control. And with what you can control do so with a sense of lightness, not a tight grip. All things pass.
Rest. Dear one, rest. Not every day has to be a slog to be productive. You are the biggest project of your life.
Practice non-attachment. To labels, to ideas, to pressures, to people. Everything changes all the time and if you are too rigid you won't be able to flow. People come and go, things come and go, experiences come and go. Practice surrendering so that it doesn't control your heart.
Look after yourself. And I don't just mean treat yourself to new clothes and fancy holidays. I mean really look after yourself. Find out what you need and give it to yourself no question (finances, boundaries, get comfortable saying no)
Get off social media for a while each day. For the love of all that's holy, GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA. Your life is not lived there, trust me. And what you do see there is only a snapshot of a posed version of what someone else things their best life is, true or not. Socials can be amazing but they are mostly toxic. Reduce as much as you can.
Investigate your emotions. Feel your sad and your happy. Feel your anxious and your overwhelm. Notice your vulnerability and your fear. Be aware of your joy and elation. Don't bury or ignore an emotion - good or bad. They are all valid, they are all welcome, they all make you human.
Just don't live in the bad. Feel it, notice it, examine it. Then let it go.
On that reduce buzz... RECYCLE!!!! Better again, don't buy it in the first place. You don't need it.
You are exactly where you need to be, everything is working out fine. Don't succumb to the pressures of a timeline or a life filled with ''shoulda'', instead trust in the timing of the world. It's fine. You're fine.
Learn more. Please keep reading. Read about topics that don't even interest you because maybe soon they will. Listen to other peoples opinions. Even if you don't agree with them, listen to them. They're important too, they show your blindspot. Grow your mind alongside your heart.
Find joy in all you do. This is hard, I know. But joy exists in everything. A smile, a pretty cloud, a hug, a freshly washed jumper. Even in the hard things try zoom out... what's the bigger picture?
Appreciate Mother Earth. Get lost in her. Swim in her, hike in her, roll in her, breathe in her. APPRECIATE HER . . . reduce what you leave in her. Do you need it? Does she need it?
Tap into your Divine Feminine. As hard and strong and brave as you are, you are also creative and intuitive and caring. Don't let the world tell you it's not okay to engage your feminine energy or you're too masculine. We are all both, learn about both. Embrace both.
Live light. Don't let this world harden your soul. Find joy and lightness and laughter. Find softness and ease. Smile and watch the world smile back.
The dream-translation Gods tell me to dream of ones own death is to be on the verge of something wonderful and life changing. I see that (The Life/Death/Life cycle again hey?🙂)
I will write more on the topic of mortality and what I've learned through my Buddhism studies and Vipassana practice. Until then, I leave you with my dream in the hope you took something from it.
Love, always love,
Leonie x