Let that sh!t go.
Aparigraha - Non-possiveness, non-craving, freedom from wanting
If you've been joining along in our exploration of the Yamas and Niyamas you're already a bit familiar with this one. This philosophy is shared by the Buddha whose 4 Noble Truths were the essence of his teachings, one of which being loosely translated to ''attachment is suffering''
In my Vipassana retreat, Goenka (the teacher) spoke to the cause of suffering throughout the course. He said ''Grasping at things can only yield one of two results. Either the thing you are grasping at disappears, or you yourself disappear. It is only a matter of which occurs first.''
We form bonds with other people, to feelings or to things. With people, we crave their presence or their company in our lives and have expectations of them. With things, we form attachments to owning the latest iPhone, a new car, clothes of all variety. With feelings, we want the good feelings, the ecstasy of life, the feeling of love and joy, of contentment.
When people leave we are heartbroken. When they disrespect us we are upset. When they betray us we are outraged. When they disappoint us, our expectations are shattered. When the initial beauty of a purchase wears off, we crave another. When we constantly seek feeling good, we don't know what to do when feelings of sadness come. Or, we deny the feelings, push them to the outsides and do all we can to bring back the good feelings to our lives again.
Cravings and clinging can be fear-based; we cling on because we are afraid it will never come back around again. But what if you trust that this thing was doing its own dance, moving to its own music, and trust that the timing is right?
I speak often about the complexity of human emotion and how I believe it is a beautiful thing to allow ourselves the chance of feeling the full wheel of emotion, including sadness and grief. I believe in really sitting with these uncomfortable feelings so that when they pass (they always do) your gratitude is real. Often, when we are feeling stink and try to push past it, the joy is fake. It's not real because it's not REALLY how you feel. You feel stink but you're denying it and putting on a brave face. The world gets uncomfortable when you express yourself fully, so to save others’ discomfort we deny our feelings. But, fake happiness isn't true. It doesn't feel authentic and if challenged will crumble quickly, leaving you back where you started but probably worse off.
Instead of chasing that feeling of positivity, of joy, and love I invite you to try the stink feeling on for a while. Don't stay there forever. But, don't deny it either. Sit with it, listen to what message it is trying to deliver. See if it resonates, take what you need and move on. Rinse and repeat.
On retreat, Goenka spoke to the dangers of a really good sit. If you experience a profound meditation practice without realising it, you become accustomed to that feeling. You crave that feeling, expecting it to be there each time you sit on your mat. So when you sit and your monkey mind takes over you think you're wasting your time, the sit is useless, you may as well get up and leave, meditation sucks anyway. The lesson here is that all of life is lived in both craving and aversion. And by not forming attachments to the good outcomes, we can witness the bad outcomes and not react. The lesson is in the non-attachment, witnessing the good and the bad, and not reacting to either.
There is also an element of forgiveness in non-attachment. Instead of holding grudges, we can dissolve them. You deserve peace and you won't get that by harbouring bad feelings. Free yourself, you don't need the bitterness or the resentment. Do what you have to process the emotions; write them down and burn them, speak to a professional, scream and shout them into the Universe. Whatever it takes, process them and let them go.
Week 1 of Springtime Self Care launches today (It's not too late for you to book, email me back and I'll add you to the programme 🙂 ). In the course, we explore Limiting Beliefs. We examine what we believe about ourselves that keep us in a fixed state, fearful of growth and development.
In my own experience I have found the more bogged down I was with cravings of all kinds, the less clear my thought process was. The more I outsource my happiness to external things and beings, the less content I am in being me.
There is a beautiful meme going around at the moment that says ''normalise changing your opinion when presented with new information''. I LOVE THIS FOR US! It shows non-possessiveness in real life, releasing your hold on old ideas and thoughts, creating the space needed for new learnings.
Until next time, loved ones. I leave you with love,
Leonie x